?

Log in

Running Strong!

Okay. So I've dropped 10 lbs approximately (from what i can tell - my scale ain't one of those fancy schmanzy digital ones) :) so i figured "oh boy, i've made it so far! i can totally have one day off and just get right back on right?" WRONGO. i figured i could eat normally for one day. here's what i have to say. i ate wayyyy too much first of all, and secondly, my body did not enjoy it at all. i felt the need to run 200 blocks just to burn out all the fuel. my tummy's been gurgling away and this morning a feel a strange hang over. i'm getting back on my cleanse immediately today. going for a swim to help burn the rest of it out, and i am thanking my lucky stars that i haven't gotten sick as i've read some people catch the flu from ending a fast the way i did. thanking my body for being so forgiving. here's to another lengthy fast to end world hunger and drop the lbs. if you need a texting buddy to keep you motivated leave me your number, i'm your gal. i could use all the support i can get, as we all can! here's to healthy, slim bodies and ending obesity and world hunger! <3
okay so i started off today feeling sluggy. i was craving everything in the house from almond butter to peanut butter to hummus to soup and pesto. i felt groggy and tired and not super fab. i knew that today was d-day but i couldn't help myself! i ate yogurt, hummus, vegetable soup, almond butter, and peanut butter. it took some time for that to digest (it is still digesting). i couldn't explain insane cravings for hummus and almond butter, it was crazy! i felt guilty but i ate it anyway, vowing not to waste food. after some research i looked at why i felt the way i did: duhhhh! sugar crash! my body was detoxing from the ice cream and my blood sugar was out of whack from that!

what balances sugar in the blood?? hummus, almonds, proteins. i can't believe it! i was pretty shocked, what i thought was a sin was actually my body doing its job and trying its best to maintain balance so i could feel normal. i'm telling you, i almost sat in misery at my failure of contributing something positive to the human race. but after some research it all makes sense. my body is incredibly smart! and i'm glad i gave it what it needed, regardless of that not being the plan today. i will start my water fast today, but thought i would share some interesting news. it's pretty amazing what the body does to heal itself! :)

confession...

ok.. so totally i'm not gunna be negative but i do have to get this off my chest. totally just wrote my entry... and then i wound up going out and eating ice cream. ok ok, at least it wasn't solid food so technically it's still on the liquid diet... HOWEVER... i know better and i know i should have had the will power to say no. that stuff doesn't help me. so.. tomorrow. water cleanse. i'm still aiming for it. i plan on doing some yoga in the morning and maybe a swim.. anything to keep me busy and away from the kitchen! <3. i'm gunna do it! i'm gunna do te water fast and i'm gunna take it all the way. i'm gunna keep praying any time that i get hung up with temptation. the higher powers are here to help me. i dedicate this cleanse to ending human suffering by ending my own and ending human suffering by not wasting food.

I put it down and I'm back on the wagon

Today I was standing in the kitchen. I wanted chocolate. I wanted chocolate so bad that I made a chocolate smoothie. Then my step sis came in and i offered her some. she said she likes hers with peanut butter. PEANUT BUTTER. that's what got me into the mess that i am into today. an obsession with eating peanut butter and almond butter. as soon as she stepped out of the kitchen i went to the pantry and got out the almond butter. i put some in the smoothie. then i started eating spoonfulls. i realized something. i stopped eating it. i said to myself "this is what the victim does. the victim stuffs the body and then cries about how fat she is. i am not the victim. i am stronger than this." even though i ate a few spoonfulls, the point is that i caught myself. and i stopped it. i put the jar down, i poured the chocolate smoothie down the drain. i stopped it. tomorrow is water day. I am ready. I am ready to lose the weight. I am stronger than my addictions. <3

Milk, Honey, Juice, Water pt. 2

Well I'm starting the 2 week countdown. this is where push comes to shove. it's getting slowly a little tougher but i have no appetite! doing great! I'm really proud of myself. I'm at a bit of a standstill on the scale, i stepped on this morning and hadn't lost any weight yesterday. but that's ok! i'm still very proud of myself for where i am right now. my body is lookin fantastic and i feel good. i can't wait to see how i look in a week or two :) soon i'll be reunited with my soul mate and i hope he drops dead when he sees how hot i look! haha. i wanna snag him so bad. i just want him back. i really do. i miss him so much. i want him to freaking marry me and i want to get out and travel the world and omfg all i have to do is kick my food addiction and i am good to fucking go. haha. my mind runs away with me. i believe in myself. i know i can get anything i pursue. :) and best of all, i don't need any drugs or substances to do it. i am totally capable of changing my body and my mind myself. it's wonderful to feel so free or the psychological baggage. i feel so happy. sending out my <3 to the world. 

yesterday i had a revelation. my mind was totally consumed by an argument i had with my dad earlier in the morning. it was so consumed that it was all i thought about all day. i did a meditation while walking where i started reciting to myself "he is not my problem. he is not my problem. he is not my problem" and i have to say, my mind rarely stirs about it anymore. it's pretty powerful to create mantras to bring your mind back to enjoying the moment you're in right now. i love meditation. :) anyways that's all i got right now. good luck everyone else walking this journey, i hope we all  look totally fucking incredible and feel great when we're ready to stop our diets. and more importantly, i hope any healthy habits REMAIN.   

Milk, Honey, Juice, Water

Ahhh! crave bread. i think i am just so bored that all i want to do is cook and make foods. even though i'm not hungry! how strange! i don't have enough going on my life right now, i'm on school vacation this week and all i have is the house, the outdoors, and a stack of books and my guitar... my body's not hungry but i feel like i'm just looking for things to do to fill time. i have no love life right now, my soul mate is in fl. i'd like to be with him. i will be with him. til then, i'm just doing what i need to do here. working on my body. building up my self esteem and working on myself. weaving my destiny, exporing the parts of me that need to be explored. i'm feeling great but i need things to keep me busy. need to keep, need to keep from food, blahhhhh. it's so boring without good boyfriends and girlfriends around. all i have is myself, that's the way i've made my life right now.

Still Treckin along

So.. The food association with duct tape is working wonders. Still kills my desire to eat. However, I'm still not able to cut down to just green tea and water. I was supposed to start that today, but I couldn't help myself. I went for a long swim this morning and wound up eating a smoothie and some oatmeal afterward. However, I am super proud that I have been able to overcome the desire to eat SOLID food. Soon (and by soon i mean any day now) i will curb my desire to eat liquid food as well. I stepped on the scale today and saw that 6 lbs have somehow magically disappeared in the past two days. don't ask me how, I've been peeing like crazy lately so i'm sure it's just water weight but pretty awesome if you ask me! :) totally cannot complain.

my skin is looking fantastic, and overall i still feel fat but i'm feeling like my body is working to balance itself. the lines in my forehead have totally disappeared. i get some random bouts of drowsiness which is expected. at least i dont have school this week, i have the whole week off. thank goodness. :) and as always, i'm ending this post with the fact that regardless of needing to drop the lbs, i motherfucking love my body. i love it. i love it so much that i will do anything to help it feel good about detoxing. this is going to be so amazing for my body. body, i fucking love you. thanks for being so amazing and thanks for working towards transformation with me.

in the clear :)

i made it through day 3 which is usually the hardest :) yay me. i am kickin ass today is soup smoothie and water day... tomorrow water and soup. i havent lost weight but sooooon

Still Doing Great!

I made it through another day of completely liquids. soon i'll be switching to clear liquids with soups... soon it'll just be clear liquids.. and then after that it'll be down to green tea and water. feel excellent and i am so proud of myself for sticking with it. :) and now for the unfortunate part.... i stepped on the scale and i'm at 150. i can't fucking believe it. 150?!!! i haven't been this fat since 11th grade! holy fuck!!!!!! time to start clear liquids TOMORROW. and green tea. time to get serious. ahhhhhh!

I'm doing it :)

Started liquids only diet. I've been pureeing everything and sticking with juices. already starting to feel pretty good. soon I'll be down to just water. A technique that I've learned is to stop associating food with food. whenever i see food i think "masking tape" or something like that. I even drew the people in my class eating masking tape. Anything to beat an addiction I suppose. haha. So now when someone asks me if I want a bite, my first instinct is "no" because why would anyone want to eat 'masking tape'? It's been interesting so far. Just lots of yogurt, some pudding, and pureed foods. anything that goes on a spoon or can be sipped through a straw. no solid or cooked veggies unless it's pureed. I am so proud of myself for getting through day one :) and some thinspiration... I want to get back to my original shape....

 My goal is to get back to this.